In regards to my most recent post: I'm doing a lot better, now.
I don't know how long it's going to take me to get completely back to my old self, but I've had some days where I genuinely felt happy to be alive, so that's good.
I still have emotional times. Sometimes I think about him, about a time we had together or something he said to me, and I can't get over how completely unfair it is that it had to end when all the little things were so good. I try to let myself cry like I want to when that happens, because a lot of issues I developed by the end of the school year were due to the fact that I wouldn't let myself cry or otherwise express emotions. Usually I just get heat behind the eyes, sometimes an attempt at tears. Not much. But even if I don't get the hard sobbing I got the first few days after the breakup, I think it's been very helpful to at least acknowledge that the inclination is there. It's been a tricky habit to develop. But if I can make it a solid habit, then maybe next school year will be better. I've said it before, many times, and I'll say it once more; I believe most if not all of the problems college left me with directly resulted from prolonged refusal to stay in touch with my emotions. Distracting myself from them – by any means – does not work.
Okay; sometimes eating a piece of chocolate will make things a little better. Crafting for a little while might give you enough time to process something that happened. But sometimes you really do need to step back from everything and dig out why you can't make yourself feel better with external stimuli. If there's a problem with you, all the dark chocolate in the world probably wouldn't help.
Anyway; that's what I've been really making an effort to do for the past couple weeks. So far it's working out. I'm starting to feel more like myself again. Which is very good.
Now if only I could regain control over my acne!
Until next time.
♥Sarah
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