Original Posting: January 2012
They would be as follows:
They would be as follows:
1 – Turn "Why
bother?" into "Why not?"
A
half-resolution I made last year was to stop putting things off until
later – what was stopping me from going on a road trip (does
Olympia to Portland count?), going to a live concert (Josh Groban!),
learning how to do something new (knitting) right now?
This phrasing, I think, is more applicable to how I tend to approach things. I
tend to not even try for certain things because I don't believe they
will go anywhere – I won't be accepted to go on the JCET tour to
Japan next summer (um, guess who's going to Japan for two weeks this
May?!), I won't receive that scholarship, I'm not going to be picked
for an interview much less for the job, he's too cute to be single.
There's some persistent feeling of inadequacy that I haven't been
able to grow out of, and it stops me before I even start.
I don't like asking "What have I got to lose?" when the
answer is "A piece of my dignity/self-esteem." Which leads
into...
2 – Learn to forgive myself for my mistakes and leave them behind
me for good.
The transition to a new year is a good time to wipe everything off
the board and give it a good wash. There are things I've done that
I've struggled to make peace with myself about for one reason or
another. Self-harm, the lies that came with it, my ex-boyfriend and
all the secondary mistakes I made while I was dating him. Any time
I've broken a promise and let someone down, including myself.
Not
anymore. The person who made those mistakes does not exist anymore.
And even if she did, she would be every bit as Forgiven as I am. It
is time to finally put it all in the past where it belongs, and move
on.
3 – Learn to listen to myself, and keep in touch with my emotions.
I've
gotten a lot better at this in the past couple of months, but it
needs to become a failsafe habit. Because I have slipped up a couple
of times this break by going for the sugar when I should have asked
myself why I was so frustrated at my brother and to a lesser extent
my mother. Instead
of taking out that frustration on eating candy (although, it was
chocolate-covered fruit-flavored pieces – can you really
blame me?), I should have asked what had me so irritated, why it
irritated me, and what I could do about it. Since I don't have a job,
much less a place I could move into, there isn't much I can do about
my living situation or what food is actually in the house. And no matter how much sugar is in the house I
always have the choice
to resist, no matter how tempting it is. My brother is pretty much
the way he is; any attempt I can make to change him is almost
guaranteed to end badly for me, because he has a habit of running to
hide behind Mom. Any attempt I've made in the past to get Mom to buy
less candy (specifically for me, as in Easter baskets) hasn't been
received well.
So
it's all on me to deal with the issue, and the solution is
very simple; just don't touch the junk. Yeah, it doesn't get me
anywhere. But giving in to temptation doesn't get me anywhere
productive, either; it only gives me a rush-and-crash followed by
guilt and paranoia about fat gain. Obviously, this isn't an anxiety that I need.
4
– Get toned!
Since I'm an American, and a woman, I suppose it's practically
obligatory that I put some image-related resolution here.
I can build strength, but
I've never noticed that I can develop muscular definition.
Perhaps I've managed to become slim enough now that any muscle built
from this point will actually show up, but eh... We'll see how I manage with my
PE class this semester... And if that turns out to feel inadequate, a friend at college has volunteered his triple-blackbelt services to whip me into
shape no problem, else I die trying.
5 – Somehow, in some order – Read the Bible.
I've been picking and choosing random books/chapters to read all
break, and that's all well and good. But I really would like to at
least read through the whole Bible this year. I can't guarantee that
I'll get everything out of it that there is to get out of it – and
you're not supposed to get everything in the Bible at the first pass,
anyway. It's a Living text; its meaning changes with time and with
your circumstances. Song of Songs only meant anything to me last time
I read it because I was trying to figure out what makes a woman
beautiful. The past times I'd looked through it, it'd had very little
meaning to me.
And in all things as much as possible, keep it simple.
~Sarah
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