Funnily enough, the other week I read a blurb on Yahoo! about dating site profile cliches, and why they don't mean a thing.
And
then I thought of that post I made, and realized that there are
places where I'm not telling anyone who I am, but moreso who I'd
-like- to be, and how I hope he can bring me to become that person.
Which is totally not the point of looking for someone to spend the
rest of your life with. Yes, you can expose each other to new
hobbies, but I think it's important to keep in mind that any changes
wrought in you, come from
you. I didn't change the way I look at my life because someone taught
it to me; it was something I had to learn on my own.
But this isn't lecture time. This is about the erroneousness of that post.
So: I
feex. If it's not addressed here, then it still stands as I
originally wrote it.
–
He won't mind that I'm a child
sometimes. There's a couple
different ways I mean this. There's obviously the critical way, that
sometimes I don't act my age, and I know I'm not acting my age, and
at the moment I really don't care. The best way I know to express
anger at this point in my life is to throw a tantrum and rage about
it until I'm left huddled in my bed crying cos I feel so sorry for
myself. Fortunately this does not happen often, but when it does,
it's better to let me work myself to the crying stage before
intervening... Just sayin'.
Then
there's the way we all wish for, the young-at-heart way. The other
week, I purposefully sidestepped bare pavement to crunch fallen
leaves. I bounce on the balls of my feet when I'm waiting for things,
or I sway from side to side to the music in my head. I love Hello
Kitty, and stickers make me happy in a way that matching furniture
never will. I still sleep with my teddy bear that I've had since I
was an infant. I watch "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic."
I
won't play tag, and I won't play hide-and-seek. But I will ride in
the tire swing, and I'll try my best to catch a frisbee. Leaf piles
might have slugs, but snow angels are a-okay.
Video
games are cool, but I think I'd prefer a game of Magic: The
Gathering.
And he will listen when I'm being
serious. I take life seriously
more often than I make a game of it. I'm hoping that this will change
once I find that balance between school and life. When I'm in
"Down-to-business" mode, I don't generally appreciate
attempts to get me out of it, especially when I legitimately have a
lot I need to get done.
He doesn't mind spending the night
in. I'm very much a
stay-at-home personality. I go out to go to classes, to run errands
(and I prefer to combine multiple errands into the same trip). I am
rarely spontaneous, and though I know that a lot of people live on
spur-of-the-moment activity, I am happy and comfortable being the
type who knows what's going to happen at least a day or two ahead. I
usually set out on my day having at least a semi-solid plan; maybe
things'll get shifted around as I find out what my homework situation
is, or maybe I can fit in a surprise event in because it turns out I
have more time than I thought I did.
Maybe
when I'm older I'll have a bit more confidence and will be able to
maintain a looser schedule; for the time being, however, I have to
keep a planner of my life or I'll forget things that I need to do. I
need to know what's happening, to a degree, and even if it's that
special someone, I'll still need some kind of notice beforehand. I
foresee myself spending nearly all of my evenings – even Friday
nights – at home with my knitting and a cup of tea. It'd be nice to
have someone to cuddle with...
He knows that "fun"
doesn't have to be active.
This is one of the cliches that Yahoo! blurb talked about, cos who
doesn't like to have fun? I guess the problem here is that no one
defines "fun"?
I'm a
pretty mellow person; about the fastest I'll move most days is a
sprint up a flight of stairs or two because I won't have quite
enough time to get to class if I don't. Or maybe a sprint to get my
heart rate going and warm up if I actually have some time to work
out. Or maybe they put on "Johnny B. Goode" at Oly Swing.
Anyway;
I tend toward being a bit of a turtle when it comes to activity. Fun
for me could be wandering around Olympia with a little cash in my
pocket. It could be going on a nature walk when the seasons are
changing. It could be sitting at my desk with tubes of paint and a
flower in front of me. It could be putting one sticker on my stapler
to release some creative energy because the burden of papers and
tests don't allow time for much else.
Fun
can be a stimulating conversation. I don't know what about; books,
movies, music, the meaning of life, why pumpkin, egg nog, and
peppermint make the cold Washington winters bearable... We could be
chewing the fat about trivial things or hashing out the pros and cons
of keeping our own garden.
If
he's looking for a girl who finds fun in putting a necklace together
one seed bead at a time, we're golden. If he wants a girl who'll get
down and dirty with flag football... Well, there might be a crazy day
where I will, but honestly he'd have better luck looking somewhere
else.
–
This
is a request to Daddy God, but I suppose it applies here, somewhat. I
want to be secure in my faith and confident in my relationship with
Him before I start a relationship with him. One of the big problems I
had with my relationship with my last boyfriend is that somewhere
along the way I forgot to put God first.
God comes first.
I don't need to qualify that with "needs to" or "must"
or "should." Because it's eternal. God comes first. God is
not the author of confusion, and that statement leaves no ambiguity
to dispute. It leaves no room for you to wonder what could precede
God in your priorities; nothing can.
And
that's something I need to keep in mind. At this point, I can
definitely say that I'm over my ex-boyfriend. And for some people,
that's a green light to start dating again. I don't know about me,
though. There are times when I think I would like to have a boyfriend
again, and then there are times when it's the last thing I want to
worry about. I've said this before and I'll say it again: I really
don't have time or energy for a relationship, whether I want one or
not. I need to focus on God. I need to focus on schoolwork and
finding a job. I need to focus on me and my life before I include
someone else into it again. Okay; if God has different plans and he
throws someone into my path whom I can't avoid, then that's His plan,
and who am I to deny His work?
For
now, I'm feeling pretty darn good. Despite everything, particularly
how busy I am with school and being unemployed, I've been quite
content with where my life is now. I take that to mean that I'm right
back on the path that God's laid out for me. There has to be a reason
I'm feeling peace, right?
Until
next time.
♥Sarah
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