Tuesday, November 8, 2011

RE: For the Holiday Season, a Wishlist of Sorts

Original Posting: November 2011

Funnily enough, the other week I read a blurb on Yahoo! about dating site profile cliches, and why they don't mean a thing.

And then I thought of that post I made, and realized that there are places where I'm not telling anyone who I am, but moreso who I'd -like- to be, and how I hope he can bring me to become that person. Which is totally not the point of looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with. Yes, you can expose each other to new hobbies, but I think it's important to keep in mind that any changes wrought in you, come from you. I didn't change the way I look at my life because someone taught it to me; it was something I had to learn on my own.

But this isn't lecture time. This is about the erroneousness of that post.

So: I feex. If it's not addressed here, then it still stands as I originally wrote it.


He won't mind that I'm a child sometimes. There's a couple different ways I mean this. There's obviously the critical way, that sometimes I don't act my age, and I know I'm not acting my age, and at the moment I really don't care. The best way I know to express anger at this point in my life is to throw a tantrum and rage about it until I'm left huddled in my bed crying cos I feel so sorry for myself. Fortunately this does not happen often, but when it does, it's better to let me work myself to the crying stage before intervening... Just sayin'.

Then there's the way we all wish for, the young-at-heart way. The other week, I purposefully sidestepped bare pavement to crunch fallen leaves. I bounce on the balls of my feet when I'm waiting for things, or I sway from side to side to the music in my head. I love Hello Kitty, and stickers make me happy in a way that matching furniture never will. I still sleep with my teddy bear that I've had since I was an infant. I watch "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic."

I won't play tag, and I won't play hide-and-seek. But I will ride in the tire swing, and I'll try my best to catch a frisbee. Leaf piles might have slugs, but snow angels are a-okay.

Video games are cool, but I think I'd prefer a game of Magic: The Gathering.

And he will listen when I'm being serious. I take life seriously more often than I make a game of it. I'm hoping that this will change once I find that balance between school and life. When I'm in "Down-to-business" mode, I don't generally appreciate attempts to get me out of it, especially when I legitimately have a lot I need to get done.

He doesn't mind spending the night in. I'm very much a stay-at-home personality. I go out to go to classes, to run errands (and I prefer to combine multiple errands into the same trip). I am rarely spontaneous, and though I know that a lot of people live on spur-of-the-moment activity, I am happy and comfortable being the type who knows what's going to happen at least a day or two ahead. I usually set out on my day having at least a semi-solid plan; maybe things'll get shifted around as I find out what my homework situation is, or maybe I can fit in a surprise event in because it turns out I have more time than I thought I did.

Maybe when I'm older I'll have a bit more confidence and will be able to maintain a looser schedule; for the time being, however, I have to keep a planner of my life or I'll forget things that I need to do. I need to know what's happening, to a degree, and even if it's that special someone, I'll still need some kind of notice beforehand. I foresee myself spending nearly all of my evenings – even Friday nights – at home with my knitting and a cup of tea. It'd be nice to have someone to cuddle with...

He knows that "fun" doesn't have to be active. This is one of the cliches that Yahoo! blurb talked about, cos who doesn't like to have fun? I guess the problem here is that no one defines "fun"?

I'm a pretty mellow person; about the fastest I'll move most days is a sprint up a flight of stairs or two because I won't have quite enough time to get to class if I don't. Or maybe a sprint to get my heart rate going and warm up if I actually have some time to work out. Or maybe they put on "Johnny B. Goode" at Oly Swing.

Anyway; I tend toward being a bit of a turtle when it comes to activity. Fun for me could be wandering around Olympia with a little cash in my pocket. It could be going on a nature walk when the seasons are changing. It could be sitting at my desk with tubes of paint and a flower in front of me. It could be putting one sticker on my stapler to release some creative energy because the burden of papers and tests don't allow time for much else.

Fun can be a stimulating conversation. I don't know what about; books, movies, music, the meaning of life, why pumpkin, egg nog, and peppermint make the cold Washington winters bearable... We could be chewing the fat about trivial things or hashing out the pros and cons of keeping our own garden.

If he's looking for a girl who finds fun in putting a necklace together one seed bead at a time, we're golden. If he wants a girl who'll get down and dirty with flag football... Well, there might be a crazy day where I will, but honestly he'd have better luck looking somewhere else.


This is a request to Daddy God, but I suppose it applies here, somewhat. I want to be secure in my faith and confident in my relationship with Him before I start a relationship with him. One of the big problems I had with my relationship with my last boyfriend is that somewhere along the way I forgot to put God first. God comes first. I don't need to qualify that with "needs to" or "must" or "should." Because it's eternal. God comes first. God is not the author of confusion, and that statement leaves no ambiguity to dispute. It leaves no room for you to wonder what could precede God in your priorities; nothing can.

And that's something I need to keep in mind. At this point, I can definitely say that I'm over my ex-boyfriend. And for some people, that's a green light to start dating again. I don't know about me, though. There are times when I think I would like to have a boyfriend again, and then there are times when it's the last thing I want to worry about. I've said this before and I'll say it again: I really don't have time or energy for a relationship, whether I want one or not. I need to focus on God. I need to focus on schoolwork and finding a job. I need to focus on me and my life before I include someone else into it again. Okay; if God has different plans and he throws someone into my path whom I can't avoid, then that's His plan, and who am I to deny His work?

For now, I'm feeling pretty darn good. Despite everything, particularly how busy I am with school and being unemployed, I've been quite content with where my life is now. I take that to mean that I'm right back on the path that God's laid out for me. There has to be a reason I'm feeling peace, right?

Until next time.

Sarah

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